I just don’t know what to say now. I mean, I do. It makes sense in my head, or rather, my heart (as stupid as that sounds). But I’m sure everything I want to say you already know.
I just want to talk to you.
I miss the way things used to be. I told you everything. When I thought my life was tough, you gave me a much-needed reality check. (At the time, I wanted you to shut up and let me be miserable, but now I realize that you were right and trying to help).
You give the best hugs. Ever. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I just got the chills thinking about it. And now I’m blushing (the usual effect you have on me). But this isn’t about me. This is about you. About how I just want you back in my life. I miss my best friend.
And the cliche cherry on top? There will always be a special place in my heart for you. It’s just for you. My little shred of hope.
And the more I think about you, the sadder I become. Mainly because I remember how happy I was when I was with you. I miss being that happy. I miss seeing you that happy. I felt like everything was right in the world.
You taught me so much about myself that I never knew and probably never would have known if you hadn’t shown me.
I just want the chance to see you again. Talk to you. Hug you. Watch stupid YouTube videos with you. Sit on your porch at all hour of the night. See you every day in the summer. Hug you as much as I can before you leave…
Why? Oh, because it makes no sense. I honestly have NO idea why. Because you treat me like crap. And nothing is ever going to change that. I screwed it up. My bad, I know. But what happened to second chances? I’m just… I can’t even begin to describe how you make me feel. But really, excuse me for being scared to tell you how I feel. Excuse me for being too little too late.
But more importantly, excuse you for never leaving my mind. Literally. Excuse yourself. Get out. Because I really just don’t want you anymoe. I don’t want to want you. I don’t want to want to talk to you. I don’t want to like you at all.
I would never wish bad things… But I don’t wish you well.
And, the saddest part?
I’m going to feel this way for a long time. Some microscopic shred of hope in me is still holding on… I would give anything to destroy it. But I can’t. Because I’m not ready to destroy you. I still want you. I jsut want you to be a part of my life.